Today I felt really unprepared during mass. I was so nervous. Worried of forgetting the tune for the responsarial psalm I was to cantored. Struggling with the urge to want to go through the tune when the first reading was being proclaimed, I resisted and knew that I needed to focus on God and not worry. To depend on Him and not myself. To be like Mary and not Martha.
Alas, everything went well.
Times when I allow the Holy Spirit guide of my thoughts and actions, He would lavished on me His warmth, joy and love thereafter. Today was like that. It was an overwhelming feeling that made me want to tear - not of sadness but of awe of God.
The rest of the mass was so beautiful as I was so much more aware of God's presence in the Eucharistic celebration.
Last week, Padre told us at the beginning of his homily that he was going to share something he was prompted when proclaiming the Gospel instead of his prepared sermon. And after he did, he choked in tears a little, asked to be excused for a while, lowered his head and put with his hands over it. After 5 seconds he regained his composure and continued with the rest of the homily.
It made me wonder why he reacted that way cause there was really nothing sad or personal about what he was sharing. And then it struck to me that it was probably the same feeling I felt.
When we open our hearts to let God work in us, He lavishes His love on us.
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